A good question to ask
I like to ask “what brings me the highest excitement and what makes me feel genuinely alive?”
You need to look beyond what is impressive, responsible or likely to earn approval from people whose opinions you’ve absorbed. What actually lights something up in you, underneath all of that noise of what is expected?
This question tends to be more honest because excitement is one of the few things that’s genuinely hard to manufacture. You can convince your mind that you’re fulfilled and you can perform contentment very convincingly for a very long time, but that flicker of aliveness when you’re doing something that truly resonates is not something you can fake.
Following that feeling isn’t naive. In my experience, it’s one of the more courageous and authentic things a person can do.
The override
Most of us are taught to be sensible and to temper what we genuinely want with what seems realistic or appropriate. Next minute you are forcing yourself into a box that you are “supposed” to fit into and labelling your aliveness as “not practical.”
The cost of this is often a slow decline: flatness, numbness and a quiet depression. Things are “fine” and functioning, but ultimately there is a hollowness and unease.
When we consistently live out of alignment with who we actually are, we feel unfulfilled and essentially resign to the fact that this numbness is just a part of being human. Ignoring your own authenticity has a cost, and it will show up in your body, mind and relationships in ways that are hard to ignore.
Healing is not a return
There is a concept that healing is finding your way back to some simpler, earlier self before adulthood and the difficulties experienced along the way.
In my own journey, through therapy, somatic practice, shadow work and interior inquiry, what I’ve found is that healing is about coming back to yourself but bigger, deeper and more formed. I don’t feel it is a return to innocence but rather a journey into something more whole, a version of you that has actually metabolised the difficult things rather than been defined or diminished by them.
This is important when we talk about purpose because the version of you that knows what is genuinely exciting isn’t the one who has avoided the therapeutic work. It is the you who has gone inward, questioned the inherited stories, sat with the very uncomfortable parts and emerged with a clearer and more honest relationship with yourself. Purpose tends to crystallise in the middle of that process, not at the beginning of it.
Where self-love actually lives
For me, self-love began to emerge almost as a natural consequence of living more honestly. I stopped flattening myself to fit expectations and gave myself permission to move toward what genuinely excited me, and in that I felt more appreciation and empowerment in myself.
I honestly feel that the life available to you when you’re being honest with yourself is richer and more genuinely nourishing than anything you could have experienced by fitting the mold. Self-love is an actual felt sense of being at home in yourself, trusting yourself and treating yourself like the ones you love most in your life.
What my purpose feels like
Mine isn’t super complicated, and it took me a while to trust that simplicity. My purpose is to love and to contribute to a world that is more loving and more connected because I was in it and how I showed up. That’s it, really. Everything I do that feels genuinely alive, the work, the conversations, the relationships, the moments where someone feels truly seen, traces back to those core elements for me.
I began moving toward what actually excited me, and this is what was underneath. It had been there the whole time.
Finally
If you’re wondering what you’re supposed to be doing or who you’re supposed to become, I’d suggest stepping back from the big question for a moment.
Notice what excites you and what you keep returning to in your mind and heart. Notice what conversations make time disappear and what work feels worthwhile even when it’s genuinely hard.
To find your purpose you just have to be willing to stop abandoning yourself in the small moments and stay curious about the direction that is fueled by excitement. The clarity tends to come from finally being willing to look honestly at what’s already there.
Love Evie xx